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Why Now, Why Me: A Poem on Fear of Being Loved
A poem for anyone who's been hurt enough to distrust real love — naming the defense we build, and the strange fear that arrives when someone finally means it.
For the part of you that’s been hurt enough times to have built a defense against being loved properly. The poem doesn’t dismantle the defense. It just names it.
It was hard to accept
The love I’ve yearned for
You see, I’ve been hurt before
So many times, too many times
I’ve learned a comfort
In knowing they’ll leave
Knowing it was nothing more than a tease
A taste of what love can be
When I finally met someone who cared
I couldn’t help but feel scared
What’s the catch, why me?
I’ve never been good enough
…or so it would seem
Why now, why me? Feels too good to be true
You see, I’ve had friends tell me I don’t belong
The suspicion isn’t your fault. It’s a calluses-on-your-hand response to a specific kind of damage. The work is mostly noticing it, breathing through it, and not making the new person pay for the old people’s debt.
— JTC